"American Indian the FORGOTTEN MINORITY "

Saturday, October 9, 2010

Not Undersdstanding God!

I know God has a sense of humor and I know God has a temper! I know God has his ways of making us understand when he is trying to teach us something or tell us what he wants us to do or not do even though he gave us the choice of free will. I know God does answer prayers and does not answer prayers (for our  own good). I know God has his way of disciplining us and he also blesses us.

But I am having a real problem with why does God lets people suffer that are sick and will not be getting well. Babies that are born so sick for what ever the reason, that will not live to be months, weeks, or even hours old before they die, mentally handicapped with sever mental and physical problems that might not have a loved one to help take care of them, that are left alone. Or the elderly that have alzheimer and /or dementia and get to the point that they can't understand what is going on, that they are in pain and can't tell anyone that they are and how bad it is.

I see the elderly people at the nursing home where my mother is at and what they are going through with the illnesses they have and 96% of them do not have any one that comes to see them, to check on them, to see if there is anything they need or would like to have, to just bring some little something to them. Even their families stop coming for the most part, they don't have time, or they don't want to see the family member in the shape that they are in, or they are just to lazy and or just don't care. Oh yes, or the ones that do come far and few between are coming to make sure if there is anything of property, money, or some kind of financial gain then they want to make sure they are the first in line to get what ever they can!

My mother and I are not close and never have been, and it's so ironically funny that I am the one having to take care of her...I said I never would that my brother or her family could, but what a JOKE that was! I still do not want to be the one taking care of her but my dad can not do it because he's not able to take care of himself let alone her too! So I am care taker of both my parents. My dad at this time is still able to live at home by him self (for the most part) but I don't think that is gonna be for much longer and he does not want to go to a nursing home!

My mother has dementia and is getting worse, she doesn't understand what is happening and going on much of the time, she is getting to where she is having trouble getting around physically and her speech is going down hill in a hurry. She is more and more now freaking out because she does not know where she is, she thinks she is lost most of the time and that dad are I won't be able to find her. She really starts to get bad when she doesn't see dad or me everyday and she will start fighting any one and every one and let me tell you she is still TOUGH...this old woman can and has beat the crap out of most the staff at the nursing home and ME!

But I also know the way she is and the way she was, well as far as being mean as hell that hasn't changed...
she was mean as hell before she got sick and is still mean as hell! What I don't understand is the pain she's in and with what she is going through in not knowing people, things, not able to remember anything or under standing, why is she having to go through this, especially at this point? There is not a lesson for her to learn, she's not capable of learning anything anymore. She is not going to get better or well, she is only going to get worse mentally, physically, emotionally and pain wise. She will get to a point to where she will not be able to move any more, not walk, not turn from side to side laying in bed, not able to sit up, will not be able to even eat any more. She will have to be fed through a tube and turned like a piece of meat to keep from getting sores.

My mother is not the only one that is or has to go through this and my question is WHY!!!!!

Why can't is she being kept around? Today I permed her hair for her after if finally got long enough to so it looked so much better now compared to what it looked like after that so called beauty operator at the nursing home got a hole of it and cut it...it was so bad, I have never seen a dog with a hair cut as bad as this was! It had big chucks cut here and there out of it and it also looked as if she even took some clippers and hit a few spots with them, then the top of her hair looked like a hit and miss 4 in. crook it mohawk. NOPE NOT LYING A BIT!!! So had to wait for most of it to grow out some to be able to cut it so it looked some what decent, and let it grow more and all together it has taken more than 2 1/2 months to get it so I could perm it, now next week or so I will get it trimmed up and she will will be looking so much better as far as her hair goes. But I did have to tell her that after this as hard as it was on her and to perm her hair that from now on it will have to bed cut short and kept like that, but not to worry because that other person would not be the one to cut it any more! Today was so hard on her that after I got thru with her hair she got into bed and went right to sleep. (It was very hard on me also)

Mother can't talk any more to where you can understand her or even for the most part know what she is even saying. She hasn't been hardly talking in a few weeks now, and there for about 2 wks she wasn't even really eating, but it seems like her appetite has picked up some and I am glad to see that. Dad and I were starting to get more worried about her. I do feel like she might be going down hill more and dad was talking to one of the nurses and they felt the same way as we do. But who really knows we do not, only God does when it comes right down to it!