For the last several weeks my mother has been going through a very difficult time I guess one could say. She has these moments where SHE DOES KNOW exactly what she is doing and saying and she cuts loose with everything and everyone she can...by that I mean she gets MEAN, HATEFUL, UGLY! She knows she is and she hits, bites, kicks, cusses, scratches and will get a hand full of your hair if she can and will pull as hard as she can, she will actually do her best to PULL IT PLUMB OUT!
Mother also knows that there are times when she does have trouble with her talking,walking, expressions of what she wants to say or tries to say; forming whole or complete sentences or and not being able to say a word or name something she is trying to, that there is something wrong with her and she doesn't fully understand at that time just what is going on with her, or she gets so frustrated that she can not figure out the things she wants to. I do know this is hard on her because there truly are times she does not understand and she does get very confused about everything, but as I said I do know she does know at times exactly what she is doing and the nurses at the nursing home where she is all agree with me. They are with her 24/7 month after month and they are going to know these things, but problem is my dad thinks that everything she does when she starts going to bing off the walls, is not her fault, that she really does not know what she is saying or doing even though he has been told by me and the nurses otherwise.
When a person has Dementia or Alzheimer it is so VERY HARD ON THE FAMILY MEMBERS! It is so hard to know what to do and not to do because any little bitty thing you say or do can really set them off! It is worse when you and the person that is sick has never had a good relationship and you're having to taking care of them! By that I mean I was never suppose to take care of my mother if something happened where she had to be taken care of (like now) and when the relationship between the both of you was never a good one and the both of you know it, it gets DAMNED RIGHT HARD TO BE THE CARETAKER OF SOMEONE LIKE THAT!
What are you suppose to do when something like this happens, how do you handle these things, are the decisions you make for them the best decisions to make or are they what needs to be done at the time so you make them and don't worry about it. That's what I do is worry about every blasted decision I have to make for her, I'm thinking totally of her, is this what she would have had done for herself if she were able? Is she going to think I am honestly doing my best in trying to take care of her and is everyone else also? I do not wish this job on anyone at all, it would be HARD ENOUGH even if the relationship was a GREAT one, but if it was not even a GOOD one, to begin with then and now here you are right smack in the middle of it and YOU'RE STILL GETTING BLAMED FOR EVERYTHING...WELL GUESS WHAT YOU ARE JUST SCREWED NO MATTER WHAT, and it doesn't matter if there are other family members, YOU ARE GOING TO BE THE ONE TO DO EVERYTHING, TAKE CARE OF EVERY THING, ISN'T THAT PARR FOR THE COURSE?
No one else is gonna step up to the plate to help WHY SHOULD THEY? My dad certainly can't do it, he is having a hard enough time trying to help me take care of him also, he health isn't good and here lately he has been having a great deal of trouble too. I have kids but it's not my kid's place and they have their families to take care of.
My mother's family is a REAL JOKE on all counts!!! So we all know for a fact no help there unless MONEY IS INVOLVED! (even then don't hold your breath). And that is so sad and so pathetic in every way! I was not ever supposed to take care of my mother, my father yes, not mother and I don't want to now I will not lie about it, but the main reason I don't now is because even though she is sick/ill however you want to say it, she still does me the way she always has, and what hurts so much is she KNOWS SHE IS DOING IT! I am the one there for her, to take care of her, to do the best that I can for her in every way and she is still kicking me in the teeth (and yep I do mean literally at times)!
I am still amongst all of this trying to work at my full-time job, I have lupus and the doctor keeps telling me NO STRESS... NO STRESS, you have got to get rid of the stress in your life! I have to tell you that, that was so good I laughed for a full week with that one, and even now it does give me a good laugh. I don't know of anyone especially nowadays that does not have stress in their lives of so form, shape or fashion. My mother will tell me at different times that she wants what I have...how does she get what I have?
My dad and I figured out what she meant one day when she had just gotten back out of the hospital again what she was talking about when she again said to me I want what you have, how do I get it, I want to believe like you do. I told her I still wasn't sure I understood what she was asking me but if she was asking me about my faith and my believing in God, she to could have it. All she needed to do was to Believe In Christ Jesus and put her Faith in him and ask for him to come into her life, to give her the Faith she needed and to pray to the Lord for his help and for his Grace. I couldn't tell her how to get what I have other than the way I did because I am still what some would say young in Christ myself.
Yes I was baptized when I was young and yes dad took us to church when he was home, but as so many do I stayed here and there but I have found my way back to God and the Lord, but I had help I didn't do it by myself, I had a very close friend at the time that more or less dragged me more times than not kicking and screaming to church and wouldn't give up on me. I honestly didn't know if my mother was saved or not and really still don't, she never took my brother and me to church when my dad was off working, she didn't do a lot of talking about church or the Bible or God.
But my mother was asking me how to get what I had and she wanted it...dad and I looked at each other and just started crying like babies. I told mother to tell God she would have to ask him to come into her heart, to help her, to have faith and to believe, and to pray he would answer her. She would know even with her being so sick. I told her I still screwed up a lot even as hard as I tried not to, I wasn't perfect. She wasn't perfect, no one was perfect except for Christ Jesus, he was the only one! I cried and I cried that day and for many days after that and so did my dad and I was so happy for my mother and for dad and myself.
That was kinda short lived as mother had another bad spell and went back into the hospital again and once again we almost lost her. When she got out I tried to read the Bible to her and talk to her and so did dad but she hasn't wanted any more to do with any conversation of that, she will let someone pray for her though, when they pray she gets well. My mother will never get well, there are many health problems but especially the Dementia will take its total on her and it seems like it is doing that more quickly now.
I will continue to do the best that I can in taking care of my mother even if she doesn't think that I am, I will also continue to take the best care of my dad that I can and I will try with all of my heart, body, and soul to be the best woman in Christ that I can although I know I will fall short at times, and at times my mouth over loads my hummingbird butt, and I will get so mad and upset at certain things especially dealing with my mother (and certain other people), I do pray the Lord will give me the patience, the peace, the grace, and faith I so desperately need now in my "need to be stress free life" (LOL) and help me to be that better person and Christian I NEED TO BE and WANT TO BE!
Mother also knows that there are times when she does have trouble with her talking,walking, expressions of what she wants to say or tries to say; forming whole or complete sentences or and not being able to say a word or name something she is trying to, that there is something wrong with her and she doesn't fully understand at that time just what is going on with her, or she gets so frustrated that she can not figure out the things she wants to. I do know this is hard on her because there truly are times she does not understand and she does get very confused about everything, but as I said I do know she does know at times exactly what she is doing and the nurses at the nursing home where she is all agree with me. They are with her 24/7 month after month and they are going to know these things, but problem is my dad thinks that everything she does when she starts going to bing off the walls, is not her fault, that she really does not know what she is saying or doing even though he has been told by me and the nurses otherwise.
When a person has Dementia or Alzheimer it is so VERY HARD ON THE FAMILY MEMBERS! It is so hard to know what to do and not to do because any little bitty thing you say or do can really set them off! It is worse when you and the person that is sick has never had a good relationship and you're having to taking care of them! By that I mean I was never suppose to take care of my mother if something happened where she had to be taken care of (like now) and when the relationship between the both of you was never a good one and the both of you know it, it gets DAMNED RIGHT HARD TO BE THE CARETAKER OF SOMEONE LIKE THAT!
What are you suppose to do when something like this happens, how do you handle these things, are the decisions you make for them the best decisions to make or are they what needs to be done at the time so you make them and don't worry about it. That's what I do is worry about every blasted decision I have to make for her, I'm thinking totally of her, is this what she would have had done for herself if she were able? Is she going to think I am honestly doing my best in trying to take care of her and is everyone else also? I do not wish this job on anyone at all, it would be HARD ENOUGH even if the relationship was a GREAT one, but if it was not even a GOOD one, to begin with then and now here you are right smack in the middle of it and YOU'RE STILL GETTING BLAMED FOR EVERYTHING...WELL GUESS WHAT YOU ARE JUST SCREWED NO MATTER WHAT, and it doesn't matter if there are other family members, YOU ARE GOING TO BE THE ONE TO DO EVERYTHING, TAKE CARE OF EVERY THING, ISN'T THAT PARR FOR THE COURSE?
No one else is gonna step up to the plate to help WHY SHOULD THEY? My dad certainly can't do it, he is having a hard enough time trying to help me take care of him also, he health isn't good and here lately he has been having a great deal of trouble too. I have kids but it's not my kid's place and they have their families to take care of.
My mother's family is a REAL JOKE on all counts!!! So we all know for a fact no help there unless MONEY IS INVOLVED! (even then don't hold your breath). And that is so sad and so pathetic in every way! I was not ever supposed to take care of my mother, my father yes, not mother and I don't want to now I will not lie about it, but the main reason I don't now is because even though she is sick/ill however you want to say it, she still does me the way she always has, and what hurts so much is she KNOWS SHE IS DOING IT! I am the one there for her, to take care of her, to do the best that I can for her in every way and she is still kicking me in the teeth (and yep I do mean literally at times)!
I am still amongst all of this trying to work at my full-time job, I have lupus and the doctor keeps telling me NO STRESS... NO STRESS, you have got to get rid of the stress in your life! I have to tell you that, that was so good I laughed for a full week with that one, and even now it does give me a good laugh. I don't know of anyone especially nowadays that does not have stress in their lives of so form, shape or fashion. My mother will tell me at different times that she wants what I have...how does she get what I have?
My dad and I figured out what she meant one day when she had just gotten back out of the hospital again what she was talking about when she again said to me I want what you have, how do I get it, I want to believe like you do. I told her I still wasn't sure I understood what she was asking me but if she was asking me about my faith and my believing in God, she to could have it. All she needed to do was to Believe In Christ Jesus and put her Faith in him and ask for him to come into her life, to give her the Faith she needed and to pray to the Lord for his help and for his Grace. I couldn't tell her how to get what I have other than the way I did because I am still what some would say young in Christ myself.
Yes I was baptized when I was young and yes dad took us to church when he was home, but as so many do I stayed here and there but I have found my way back to God and the Lord, but I had help I didn't do it by myself, I had a very close friend at the time that more or less dragged me more times than not kicking and screaming to church and wouldn't give up on me. I honestly didn't know if my mother was saved or not and really still don't, she never took my brother and me to church when my dad was off working, she didn't do a lot of talking about church or the Bible or God.
But my mother was asking me how to get what I had and she wanted it...dad and I looked at each other and just started crying like babies. I told mother to tell God she would have to ask him to come into her heart, to help her, to have faith and to believe, and to pray he would answer her. She would know even with her being so sick. I told her I still screwed up a lot even as hard as I tried not to, I wasn't perfect. She wasn't perfect, no one was perfect except for Christ Jesus, he was the only one! I cried and I cried that day and for many days after that and so did my dad and I was so happy for my mother and for dad and myself.
That was kinda short lived as mother had another bad spell and went back into the hospital again and once again we almost lost her. When she got out I tried to read the Bible to her and talk to her and so did dad but she hasn't wanted any more to do with any conversation of that, she will let someone pray for her though, when they pray she gets well. My mother will never get well, there are many health problems but especially the Dementia will take its total on her and it seems like it is doing that more quickly now.
I will continue to do the best that I can in taking care of my mother even if she doesn't think that I am, I will also continue to take the best care of my dad that I can and I will try with all of my heart, body, and soul to be the best woman in Christ that I can although I know I will fall short at times, and at times my mouth over loads my hummingbird butt, and I will get so mad and upset at certain things especially dealing with my mother (and certain other people), I do pray the Lord will give me the patience, the peace, the grace, and faith I so desperately need now in my "need to be stress free life" (LOL) and help me to be that better person and Christian I NEED TO BE and WANT TO BE!
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