Today's A Beautiful Day

Today has been a beautiful day for me because the weather was so pretty, sunny, light breeze, spring in the air and every where all is alive with buds, blooming flowers, plants and trees.
Green grasses looking like a beautiful thick lush green carpet everywhere you see. So many flowers coming to life in a rainbow of beautiful colors and the trees are blooming and some have already leaved out in the many different colors of greens.

~~~~~~~~~

"Gods work is so easy to see and to feel, Gods work is so beautiful and little things remind me of how "wondrously awesome" he is!" I need to see and feel that when things are so hard to deal with and I thank you Lord for letting me see and to feel it. I also thank you Lord for being with me in this

very trying time I'm going through and for giving me the strength that I need and for your help to keep me from breaking, I know I'm strong Lord but I feel my strength waning.

~~~~~~~~~~

My mother isn't and will not get any better and the last

several weeks have been very hard on her and so hard on my dad and myself. I have finally gotten through with court and have received full guardian- ship over my mother.

A friend of mine said something to me a couple

days ago and shockingly no truer words were ever spoken when she said, "Well so your a first time mother...again" I had not thought of it like that with the full effect of those words when she said that! The sound of those words hit me like a ton of bricks, it is hard to explain how I felt and
the feelings that started to well up inside of me.
My dad is also having more and more problems
with his mind forgetting more or just not remembering or can't think straight and gets confused more. He is having more health problems and now has a hernia in one side of the incision from surgery he had back in Sept. and I found a knot in one side of his stomach yesterday when I was giving him a shot. It isn't a big knot, about the size of a marble and I am trying not to get / be scared or show him any fear and it is hard on top of everything else that is going on. The surgery he had in Sept. was his left kidney being removed because of a huge tumor in it and at the same time his spleen was ruptured and had to be removed also. Now the knot is on the same side and the hernia is growing too. And he is stressing big time about my mother and I can't make it any better no matter how hard I try!
~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~
Although I do know in my mind/brain that I can not make it better, in my heart I should be able to make it better some how, some way...this is how I feel. (This is part of life and I guess getting older!)